I Know She wanted me!

Its almost 10 years and still, that most unforgetable memory still playing around in my head. I just cant help it, and I'm sure understand why cant I forget that sweet memory. That time i was in form 2 in high school, 14 years old, maybe still to young too understand what is feeling, what frustration, but I'm quite sure because I still can feel the same even after 9 years.
What was happen 9 years back?




Its all start when I'm admiring a girl in my class, until this time her sweet face still fresh in my mind. I'm not like the other who admit their feeling easily, for this girl, I keep the feeling inside me, so tight, no ones know. But I'm unintentionally reveal my feeling to my friend, best friend of mine, in the same he is also a friend with that girl, its just not in plan! How come, i told him how much i feel on that girl. But, I forgot to warn him not to tell the girl, in a few days i got a letter from that girl. Ohhhh god, I never expect this would happen, "what should i do now?" I think.

What is in the letter? its an invitation letter, she's inviting me to her 14th birthday. Ohhhh goshhh! Amazing, its like a green light, can you imagine your dream girl is inviting you to her birthday, even she is not really close with me, we never had any conversation longer than 5 minutes! that is real never ever happen! even just look into her eyes my hands is shacking! I know that is funny and shame for me, but that's what happen to me.

Ok, this the part where I'm attending her birthday party (i cant bear to continue the story, but i have too). Where? its a place where people used to karaoke and having dinner, like a Starbucks, and the event starts 7.00 pm, here is the most unexpected, guess what! the only invited person to that party is me! yes me! besides her twin sister, and elder sister with her boyfriend, so that making us 5. Ohhhhh my god, am i dreaming?? No, I'm not. But still my shacky hand still doing its progress and that is not good!

In that night, we talked not much, but we starring to each other much. And I'm just cant forget that moment, my words are cold, we are sit facing each other. In that night we just listen to the people singing with karaoke, and eating. I just attending as her friend, but I know at that night, I was so special for her. Do you think I'm stupid because, I did not tell her how much i like her, how much i admire her before this?? I think I'm stupid. We end that night with unspoken feeling. The day after that, we are just like friend, like nothing happen. I think its my fault, I know its my turn to admit my feeling on her. But, I just let it silent and cold. That is the 1st and our last date. I mean, real date. And I hate to remember them. Because i was the most stupid guy in this planet!

We still in the same class for a year, after PMR, we are in different classes, but still in the same school, for few years she never had a boyfriend, until one day I heard she is getting engaged! and that is true. And today, she already had a child. But i never saw her for years, I just keep updating her story from her sister on facebook. And now, I'm regret with my stupidity! my lackness! I can't forgive myself until today.

Yeah! this entry is saks! i know! i just write them to burried my stupid and unacceptable memory here! rest in peace.....